Jul 302011
United (States) Parcel Service.

Image by matt.hintsa via Flickr

With many thanks for a great laugh SustainableBusiness.com!

BEIJING (The Borowitz Report) – Showing its impatience with the debt ceiling stalemate in Washington, China today took the extraordinary step of putting the United States of America on eBay.

Officials at the online auction site said they believed it was the first time a major Western nation had been listed for sale there “if you don’t count Greece.”

In Beijing, the Chinese Finance Ministry said that it had considered waiting until August 2 to see if the US would ever pay back its multitrillion-dollar obligations, but ultimately decided to cut its losses.

“We think we’ll attract a buyer on eBay,” the Ministry said.  “Say what you will about the US, it’s still one of the top fifty countries in the world.”

The sales listing for the US contains some interesting information, such as China’s description of the former superpower as being in “fair to average condition.”

The listing also includes the stipulation “government sold separately,” which the Finance Ministry took great pains to explain.

“We thought that including the government in the sale might turn off potential buyers,” the Ministry said.  “Plus, the US government isn’t ours to sell anyway – it’s owned by the Koch brothers.”

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  One Response to “China Puts US on eBay”

  1. As a current, and aghast, resident of the US, I welcome the opportunity to bid on this formerly great, but now laughably bombastic, country.

    Although I revel in the glorious climate of northern California, I will, if I am the successful bidder ( which I plan to be, as I don't see anyone exceeding my bid, which will be in the middle four figures – CASH ) wish to move the continental US to an area between Hawaii and the current mainland, where I believe the climate may be even more salubrious.

    I plan to leave Alaska right where it is. Having just spent a week in Juneau, I prefer that it remain in place, mainly because of the splendid fresh fish and the bald eagles, which I would not wish to inconvenience.

    Where the US was formerly located, I'm thinking of building the world's largest Walmart.

    Before I submit my formal bid, would you ps advise who will be responsible for shipping costs? I need to tell you, frankly, that this could be a dealbreaker for me. Let me point out that Amazon's policy is free shipping for orders over $25.

    Yours truly,

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